Roba's Diaries: On Bullying and Bullies

By Roba Mahfouz
Special to The 83rd

A lot of young people have a good idea of what bullying is because they see it every day! Bullying happens when someone hurts or scares another person on purpose and the person being bullied has a hard time defending himself or herself. Usually, bullying happens over and over. It can take many forms such as punching, shoving and other acts that hurt people physically, or spreading bad rumors about people, or keeping certain people out of a "group", or teasing people in a mean way, or getting certain people to "gang up" on others. There are all kinds of reasons why young people bully others, either occasionally or often. Does any of these forms sound familiar to you?
- Because I see others doing it
- Because it is what I need to do if I want to hang out with the right crowd
- Because it makes me feel, stronger, smarter, or better than the person I'm bullying
- Because it is one of the best ways to keep others from bullying me
Think about what you are doing and how it affects others. If you think calling others names is really harmless, or if you think pushing, hitting or stealing from other kids is funny, you probably have forgotten what it feels like to be hurt yourself! Teasing, hitting, and keeping others out of a group, all of these things are examples of attempts to harm someone. All of us have been hurt at one time or another and we all know how it feels - awful!
If you have ever heard an adult or anyone else say that bullying is "just a fact of life" or "no big deal," you need to know that they are actually wrong! Too often, people just do not take bullying seriously until the sad and sometimes scary stories are talked about. According to facts, it can mess up a kid's future. Young people who are bullied are more likely to skip school and drop out of school than those who do not get bullied. They are also more likely to smoke, drink alcohol and get into fights. According to established research done in the United States, as many as 160,000 students may stay home on any given day because they are afraid of being bullied. It can lead to huge problems later in life. Children who bully are more likely to get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school. Sixty percent of boys in the United States who were bullies in Middle School had at least one criminal conviction by the age of 24.
Kids who bully like to pick on kids who are by themselves a lot; it is easier and they are more likely to get away with their bad behavior. If you spend more time with other kids, you may not be an easy "target" and you will have others around to help you if you get into a difficult situation! If the person who is bullying you thinks you will not do anything about it, they are more likely to keep picking on you. This does not mean you should fight back or bully them back. Instead, tell the person bullying you that you do not like it and that they should stop! Keep it simple. You might just say, "Cut it out!", and then walk away. If possible, try to talk to them in a calm voice. Kids who bully often like to see that they can make you upset. If you are afraid to talk directly to the person who is bullying you by yourself, then you might want to ask someone else to be there with you.
Bullying should not be mistaken for a show of power over someone else. It is an act of fear, a feeling of inferiority and low self-esteem that pushes someone to bully someone else to prove they are stronger and to draw so much attention.